The beginning phase of any relationship is very rosy. It’s easy to overlook all the red flags in a relationship and live in your dreams. It’s easy to miss signals that reflect the reality of the person. I don’t blame you. That’s how humans work. All we need is love after all and it feels justified to overlook the flaws as you fall for someone.
Compromises are an integral part of any successful relationship. No two individuals are perfect. They have flaws. But, when these flaws begin to overpower your individuality that is when they become red flags in a relationship.
Isn’t ironic that red is both the color of love and danger? A “red flag” in a relationship signifies the reasons to stop investing in it emotionally. They are signs that you shall recognize in the early phase of your relationship to understand that proceeding with your partner can be exhausting and dangerous, emotionally.
We are living in an age where we are swiping for love. Social media conversations have replaced real, face-to-face communication. It has made it even harder to recognize these traits in your partner at the earliest. Thus, in this blog, I am talking about the red flags in a relationship you should not ignore.
11 Eye-opening Red flags in a Relationship you must not ignore
1. Persistent Jealousy and Doubts
Healthy possessiveness is good. It shows that your partner is protective of you. But, it’s important to understand the difference between being jealous and being territorial. Persistent and excessive jealousy leads to controlling behavior which is a major red flag in a relationship.
Your partner might start doubting every little thing. They might feel jealous of you having a social life outside the relationship. The initial attempts to control you might feel normal but that eventually increases in intensity with time. This can have a sincere effect on your self-worth.
Controlling the behavior and jealousy of your partners not just affects the quality of your present relationships but also hampers your future relationships.
2. Keeping it a secret
Sometimes people mistake privacy and secrecy for the same thing. But, there is a huge difference between keeping your relationship private and keeping it a secret. When people keep it secret, most of the time, it’s due to fear of commitment.
Keeping your relationship secret could be a big red flag indicating their insincerity towards the relationship. If they are refusing to label your relationship in public, i.e on social media these days, it could also mean infidelity. They might be doing the same with someone else.
You don’t have to flash your private life on social media or seek validation from your peers. But, as I said, privacy and secrecy are two different things. Don’t mistake them for one.
3. Opposite relationship goals in life
No two individuals are the same. Choices differ from person to person. Yes, you and your partner can have different goals in life. There is no harm in it but in the short term. Two people having different relationship goals can be a big problem in the long run.
If you are getting serious and planning to build a future with them, you must know their relationship goals too. The problem arises when two people have goals that don’t complement and align with each other. If you see yourself getting married and having a family someday but they don’t, that is a red flag in a relationship.
More than anything, successful relationships breed emotional investments. And you don’t want to do that with someone who doesn’t see your future together, as you do.
4. Frequent lies & Inconsistency
If you constantly catch them lying to you about every other thing, that is not a good sign for any relationship. Yes, we all are guilty of white lies at some of the other points in our relationships. But, frequent lying about every petty thing isn’t something to let go of easily.
Being inconsistent is also a negative trait to take care of. Inconsistency in terms of spending time with you or not showing up for you when you need them. It’s not about how small or big the situation is, it’s about the patterns you notice in their behavior towards you and the relationship.
If they are dishonest with you about themselves or they tend to run away from difficult discussions, they lack to bring the emotional stability that makes a relationship successful.
5. Alcohol and drug addiction
Oh boy! I can write a whole paper on how daily alcohol consumption or drug addiction can ruin any relationship. This is something I’ve witnessed closely around me. And, it’s never a good decision to stay with an alcoholic or drug addict.
Your partner’s drinking habit or reliance on drugs to get through the low phases of life can be daunting for your mental wellness too. It can affect different aspects of both of your lives. And, if it leads to any kind of physical violence, that is a clear sign to walk away.
Leaning on alcohol or drugs now and then is a huge red flag in a relationship. And, if you can figure this out at the earliest, it’s better to move forward in your life.
6. Disrespect and calling names
It’s normal to fight in a relationship. It’s a part of two people choosing each other and living with it. But, make sure your partner doesn’t become a whole new person during arguments. Someone you cannot even recognize. If they call you names and look down upon you, it’s time to take it seriously.
A happy couple respects each other both in public and private. If your disagreements bring out the side of them that’s violent, nasty, and abusive, you can’t afford to lose yourself in the name of “loving” them. Because in a relationship respect precedes love.
If arguments and fights make them flip and switch into an unrecognizable monster who doesn’t respect your opinion and space in a relationship, there’s no point in staying with them. This type of language also leads to mental health issues.
7. Controlling and Dominating
As two people coming together and deciding to build a life, support from your partner has a lot of impact on your life. Whether it’s work or personal stuff, if they criticize you for your choices or put you down in any manner, it affects your self-esteem in a long run.
Having control over your personal space, your career choices, and your decisions is straight away dominating you just to feel powerful in that relationship. This is a big red flag in a relationship as it contributes to a person’s low self-confidence as well.
Such behavior from a partner fuels personal insecurities. This emotional abuse can even lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns. Thus, it’s important to address this behavior with your partner and reevaluate your value in the relationship.
8. Lack of Emotional Intimacy
I believe emotional attachment and intimacy are two of those many roots that lay a strong foundation for a successful and fulfilling relationship. And, the road to achieving that is communication. If your partner is refusing to open up, this indicates problems in so many ways.
Emotional intimacy doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and patience from both partners to be able to trust each other and unveil their darkest parts. But, not taking a step towards building that emotional layer and keeping it all sealed inside are red flags in a relationship.
You don’t want to be with someone who makes it hard for you and keeps you playing the guessing game every time. A healthy relationship is all about open communication and speaking to each other without the fear of judgment and criticism. This is also good for your emotional wellness as well.
9. Doesn’t compromise
Whether you both have similar or different personalities, you are never going to agree about everything as a couple. It’s fine to have a difference of opinion. But, it’s important to find a common ground and come to a conclusion.
This doesn’t happen without compromises. A relationship is not always 50-50. There are days when one of you has to give an 80 while the other just gives 20. And there’s nothing wrong with it, as long as both of you’re doing it on your part, as and when required.
But, if you are the only one to be the person who gives an 80 always and your partner is never willing to compromise, it is a red flag in your relationship.
10. No apologies
Making mistakes is a part of our being. It is what makes us human. But sometimes, these mistakes hurt the people who love us. They leave strong marks on people’s hearts and minds. And seeking apologies is the best way to clean the mess.
Sometimes we get hurt and sometimes we are the ones who hurt others. It is our approach to the situation that matters. You’ll realize your mistake and apologize if you value the relationship. To save the relationship, it is possible to apologize even when it’s not your mistake. Not every time.
If your partners prioritize their ego over the relationship and refuse to apologize, you are going to have a hard time sustaining this relationship in the long run.
11. Superiority Complex
If your partner looks down upon you for any reason or constantly casually humiliates you, they are not good enough to be with you. This also indicates emotional abuse in a relationship. It takes the face of extreme jealousy and possessiveness.
A relationship is about making a team and supporting each other through thick and thin. A superiority complex leads to power imbalance. Then, the relationship isn’t about being a team but it becomes about suppressing the other person. Hence, it’s a bright red flag in a relationship.
To handle such a situation, it’s better to make your concerns clear to your partner. And, if they don’t change, it’s time for you to reevaluate your position in the relationship.
While these are some common red flags in a relationship that you must be aware of, they are not one-size-fits-all. They can differ from person to person, they don’t have to be the same for everyone.
These are some of the most prominent red flags that can be noticed. They signal that it’s not a good idea to have a long-term relationship with this person. It won’t be a healthy relationship to be in and it will affect your life too.
Along with noticing these flags, your intuition will tell you a lot more about that person. So when you feel something isn’t right, trust your gut to slow down and take appropriate steps to move forward in this relationship.
I hope you had a good time reading in my happy space.
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I’ll see you next week!
Have a good day!