Are you excited and afraid about your new life? Well, if you are getting married anytime soon, The feeling is quite natural. In this blog, you’ll discover the 5 phases of marriage of that every successful love story goes through.
So, you have decided to share your life with your partner. Well, after a point in life, everyone craves a companion who is with you throughout the journey called life.
A beautiful marriage has equal amounts of ups and downs.
So, before you make the most important decision of your life, it is imperative that you learn about the 5 phases of marriage.
While every marriage is unique, at least you will have a little glimpse of what it will feel like in the long run.
According to stats, 86% of marriages go smoothly after the 5th year. Hence in this blog, you’ll be familiarized with the normal ups and downs of a marriage that every couple goes through.
Couples who manage to deal with these phases of marriage with open communication, understanding, compromising, and supporting each other come out with greater love and commitment to each other.
5 Phases of Marriage You Need to Know Before Getting Married
Every couple has different problems in their lives and their relationships. But, still, there’s a lot that might go on the same path in every marriage. Let’s dive in to know!
So here’s your marriage map!
The story of Krish and Trisha will help you to understand these phases of marriage and how to deal with these problems to make your relationship successful in the long run.
As you go through these stages, don’t stick to the timetable.
Some couples might go through these stages more quickly, and some might even bypass certain stages.
The Story:
Krish and Trisha were truly in love with each other for some time. They decided to stay with each other. They knew each other so well. Hence, they decided to marry.
What’s after this?
Here comes the phases of marriage, the ups and downs they had to deal with and stay through without giving up.
5 Phases of Marriage You Need to Know
While the initial phase is all passionate and romantic, the ultimate goal is finding contentment and fulfillment in the relationship.
Marriages also go through different developmental stages and predictable crises. Let’s see.
The 5 stages of marriage, as outlined by Dr. John Barletta, are:
Stage 1- Passion prevails.
Stage 2- What was I thinking?
Stage 3- Everything would be great if you changed.
Stage 4- That’s just the way any partner is.
Stage 5- I’m okay, you’re okay.
Stage 1: Passion prevails
Krish and Trisha are so happy as they couldn’t believe, how lucky they are to have their only star-crossed lover in their life. They are so excited and happy to spend the rest of their life with each other.
In the beginning, they ignored each other’s small mistakes and prioritized their relationship. As they are in the infancy stage of marriage – the “honeymoon period”.
They were amazed, to have so much in common: same hobbies, favorite music, restaurants, and movies. They are completely in sync. In no time the relationship leads towards well-being and physical desire for each other is at its peak.
The reasons:
- The newness and excitement of the relationship produce chemicals and increase energy and positive attitudes. It heightens sexuality and sensuality.
- You would have never felt this way before. “It must be love,” you tell yourself. You assume you are perfect together which is why, you decide to marry in the first place.
- You are in that period of life where nothing is more glorious than your marriage and partner.
How to deal with it?
Just enjoy the phase and understand each other. Lay a foundation for your marriage with your belongingness.
Couples often have high expectations about their partner and marriage, leading to disappointment and frustration when these expectations are unmet.
Remember, if things go as expected, savor it and create memories. If things go in unexpected ways, stay loyal and work on it.
Ensure both of your needs are met while maintaining a healthy balance between individual and relationship goals.
Schedule regular date nights and one-on-one time to prioritize the relationship and maintain intimacy.
The infancy stage slowly comes to an end and enters Stage 2. You realize that marriage isn’t as same at all as you expected it to be.
Stage 2: What was I thinking?
Things changed In the life of Trisha and Krish, they started experiencing the biggest fall. And the reason for this is their change in perspectives.
The little things they ignored in the beginning now those little things bother them the most.
For example,
Krish likes to meet his friends often to chill and relax. But, Trisha likes to spend some alone time relaxing. This leads to conflicts due to a lack of open communication and boundaries.
Then comes the big things- the life-altering decisions.
- Deciding whether and when to have children?
- Who will support the family?
- Finance and Budget.
- Career and Family.
- What about “Me Time”?
- Household chores.
- How do in-laws fit in life?
Amidst all these decision-making they state their perspectives and become each other’s opponents.
This is the stage when couples try to change each other according to themselves and want their partner to agree with their perspectives.
The reasons:
- You start realizing that you are different from each other even when you might share some similarities.
- Increased responsibilities, changes in preferences, and arguments happen.
- Marriage takes the back seat, and not the first.
- Things get confused, as you become each other’s opponents.
- Conflicts take place now and then.
- Two people have two different perspectives.
How to deal with it?
Discuss your feelings and concerns with your partner to avoid misunderstandings and build trust. Be open to communicating and setting clear boundaries.
Accept that you and your partner aren’t perfect. Accept that you are two different people who might have different opinions. Work together to achieve common goals and maintain a sense of unity.
Change your perspective from ‘I can’ to ‘We can’ in your relationship. Accept each other with your flaws.
If not, these differences make you question your decision about marriage.
To help you understand how this impacts your lives further, enter the 3rd stage.
Stage 3: Everything Would Be Great If You Changed
Then there comes the phase, where Krish feels he is right and Trisha feels she is right.
It’s just them and their perspectives. Soon things turned to you v/s me instead of going towards us v/s the problem.
All they feel like doing is proving each other wrong. They only focus on their perspectives even when they could have discussed things and sorted out different creative ways for their problems.
The only tagline they had was, “Do it my way, and the marriage will work, do it yours and it won’t”.
They assume that it is out of stubbornness or a need to control.
What they don’t realize is that their spouses are thinking the same thing about them!
Slowly things turn to little or no attempt to see the other’s point of view. They weren’t ready to lose themself over the other nor were they afraid of losing each other.
The reasons
- You want to change each other. ‘I’ becomes more important than ‘We’.
- You want your partner to agree to what you say.
- You feel like giving up.
- You assume things have changed or you might feel you married the wrong person.
- The only solution you think is Divorce.
How to deal with it?
The most important part is to end the cold war. Start interacting and find solutions for your differences.
Try to understand the reasons behind the conflict and address them together.
Show understanding and compassion for each other’s perspectives. If needed, seek counseling from professionals to navigate this challenging phase.
Although it requires a major leap of faith, take the step towards a healthier and more satisfying relationship.
Remember that your partner is the same person you have prayed for. The companion you wanted in your life. You accepted that you would be happy to spend your life together.
You promised to stay together and support each other in the ups and downs of life. Be the fortunate ones because the best of marriage is yet to come.
Stage 4: That’s just the way any partner is
Finally, Krish and Trisha decide to not give up and figure out the issues, to work on them.
Instead of arguing they find solutions. They prefer peace over conflicts. They accept and understand that begging, yelling, and threatening only worsen the situation.
They took help from others as they didn’t want to end their relationship.
They decided to take suggestions from trusted friends and attended relationship seminars, and marital therapies and read self-help books.
The reasons:
- It’s a human tendency to find flaws in others. Forgive your partner, which is acceptable when your partner is respectful towards you.
- Realize, that it isn’t easy to live with you. You have flaws and you have committed mistakes too.
- Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Put efforts to understand their perspectives.
- Seek help whenever needed.
- Accept both of your flaws.
How to deal with it?
Take time to reassess your relationship and identify what you value and appreciate about your partner. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and express gratitude for what you have.
Work on the challenges you faced in the previous stages.
Remember, that life is short and very little is worth the pain of disharmony. And because couples are smart enough to have reached this stage, they reap the benefits of the fifth, and final, stage.
Stage 5: Together, at last!
Finally, after all the ups and downs of life, Trisha and Krish are in the stage where all pain and hard work has paid off.
They started realizing that their partner had always been with them and loved them even amidst conflicts.
They have been fulfilling their responsibilities in life as well as investing in their relationship.
From being a spouse to being able to be with in-laws, children, friends, families, and careers, they have held each other through it all.
They realized how far they had come through. They are pleased to discover that the qualities they saw in each other so very long ago never really vanished.
They have a shared history and although they both agree that marriage hasn’t been easy, they are proud that they’ve weathered the storms of time and came out of it strong.
The reasons:
- You appreciate your partner’s sense of commitment and dedication to making your marriage last.
- You also look back and feel good about your accomplishments as a couple, a family, and as individuals.
- You feel more secure about yourself as a person and you begin to appreciate your differences.
- You feel closer and more connected.
How to deal with it?
You have shared memories and history, sit together and flip them. By now, your duties and responsibilities must have been reduced. You have some more time now to create new memories.
Finally, Trisha and Krish are happy now to have a supportive, understanding, and loving partner who has been through the last. They understand the importance of having a companion in the journey of life.
Life is uncertain, don’t waste it in breaking, but rather create memories. Because when you are on your death bed the only guilt and pain you’ll have is the abusive way you treated your partner when they were humble to you.
This pain doesn’t only stay with the person on the death bed but also the partner who has to stay with the burden forever.
Conclusion
I hope Krish and Trisha’s story gave you an idea to deal with the phases of marriage.
I’m sure you might have realized that there is a pot of gold at the end.
The problem is that most people fool themselves by thinking that in whatever stage they are in the moment, is where they will be forever. And that is what ends their relationship.
There are many hard times—unexpected problems with infertility, the births of children (marital satisfaction goes down with the birth of each child), the challenges of making a family, children’s education, upbringing and even leaving home, infidelity, illnesses, deaths of close friends and family members.
Remember that couples don’t go through these stages sequentially. It’s three steps forward and two steps back.
But if you’ve been fortunate enough you eventually get back on track. The quality and quantity of love you feel for each other are never stagnant…
This blog isn’t about scaring you nor is it “an exact road map”.
This is a guide that will help you not to give up on the one person you love the most when things don’t go your way.
Most couples have to go through these phases, whether it’s an arranged marriage or a love marriage. Some come out of this stage quickly, some come out slowly, some might get stuck in and have to put in a lot of effort, and some just give up.
Giving up is easy comparatively, but when love is true and pure the ups and downs feel worth it in the end!
If you enjoyed reading this one, I am sure you will enjoy my list of 13 interesting podcasts about relationship that will serve as a great resource for you while navigating the challenges of your marriage.
Author’s Bio:
Varsha helps you to turn your ideas into easy-to-read stories. Her blogs are SEO-friendly, well-researched, and formatted, which will help you to grab your readers’ attention quickly. Connect with her on LinkedIn to see how she can help your lifestyle brand with her writing.
