Jealousy in a relationship is a very complex emotion. Unlike other feelings, it can either bring you closer or break you apart. In this blog, I am sharing 11 genuine ways in which you can deal with jealousy in your relationship and not let it overpower the bond you share with your partner.
Jealousy can sometimes strengthen relationships if it is within limits but it can also wreak havoc in relationships if it’s unhealthy.
Jealousy is often viewed as a negative emotion and related to negative outcomes. It is often seen as the feeling that can destroy the bond that two people have shared and build over time.
Thus, this blog is an attempt to help anyone suffering from jealousy and wants to overcome it. Together, we will delve into ways in which this negative emotion can be stopped from destroying your relationships.
11 Genuine Ways to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship
People feel jealous when they feel threatened by losing someone, envy, fear of loss, or feelings of insecurity. Jealousy in relationships overpowers your love’s sweet grace and leaves an empty hollow space in your heart.
It is a green-eyed monster that you must stay away from for your professional and personal growth. It can be in a romantic relationship, sibling rivalry, professional coworker jealousy, competition among friends, material possession jealousy, etc.
Studies suggest that unmarried people are more like to feel jealous of their partner as compared to married people.
Jealousy in any relationship in excess can lead to lifelong bitterness and holding grudges in relationships.
Before we begin to understand the different ways in which you can deal with jealousy in a relationship, it is important to learn about how it happens.
2 Types of Jealousy in a Relationship
Every relationship has its ups and downs. It is not a sin to be jealous. But, you must be aware of the type of jealousy you are facing. The following two types will help you understand which type of jealousy you are dealing with.
1. Normal Jealousy in a Relationship
If you see your partner being too friendly with someone else, then it’s natural to be scared of losing them in today’s world where relationships have become so volatile. Hence, it is normal to feel jealous in this manner. It doesn’t occur frequently, it happens when your partner allows it to happen.
2. Abnormal Jealousy in a Relationship
This occurs like a pattern and consumes your thoughts and translates into bad actions, hampering your professional and personal growth. Activities like stalking someone you are jealous of and trying to find faults in them a signs that you need to control it.
4 Causes of Jealousy in a Relationship
Before you jump on finding ways to deal with jealousy in relationships, take a moment and pause. Quite often you are jealous but you don’t know the reason behind your jealousy. It is important to note the causes behind it so that it becomes easier for you to navigate through this issue. Let’s hop onto the 4 significant causes that are responsible for feeling jealous.
Comparison often leads to jealousy in relationships. You often tend to compare yourself with your friends, siblings, co-workers, and friends of your partner because somehow that is what society has ingrained in us.
But you must understand that no two individuals can be compared as everyone has a different question paper in life. Everyone needs to answer that question paper in their unique style.
Sometimes, jealousy is an intrinsic part of your nature and it is hard to completely eradicate it. However, you can try and control it to some extent as we will learn in this blog.
3. Past experiences and Upbringing
Your past experiences shape how you feel at present. So, if in the present someone is feeling jealousy in a relationship it might be due to a traumatic past.
Your upbringing also has a role to play in jealousy arising in relationships. Many times one sibling is preferred over another due to their school achievements. Incidents like this can leave a scar in a child’s mind which is often reflected in their adulthood through negative feelings and expressions like jealousy, low self-worth, etc.
4. Self-esteem and trust issues
When you have high self-esteem, you’re aware of your worth and are unlikely to get jealous. However, a person who finds it difficult to trust the opposite gender in relationships might develop jealousy in relationships.
11 Genuine Ways to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship
Now that you have understood the meaning of jealousy and identified the causes behind it, It is time to delve deep into finding ways to deal with jealousy in a relationship. Your relationship can be saved by trying to adopt any of the following ways discussed. You may not find a complete remedy to it but it may help.
This first and foremost step is to accept the existence of jealousy in your relationship. Know that you are not alone, all human beings and even animals have negative emotions and they can pave the way out of it by acknowledging the fact that there is such a feeling.
It is perfectly normal if it is healthy jealousy, as we discussed above. Healthy jealousy reflects that you care about relationships. However, if it is unhealthy, it must be checked on time. Be honest with yourself and accept that you are jealous.
2. Understand the Root Cause
The second way is to understand the underlying cause of jealousy and where it stems from. To understand this ask yourself questions about when and in which situations your jealousy arises.
Is it too often or is it occasional?
If it’s too often then what are the reasons that make you jealous?
It could be a comparison, past experiences, trust issues, low self-esteem, or any other reason. Do some self-reflection and it will help you understand the root causes which in turn will make it easier for you to solve the problem.
3. Developing a mature understanding
Talk to someone whom you find confident and aren’t jealous. Talking to them may help you understand why they don’t get jealous. You can try to imbibe their qualities and become a better human being.
Realize the fact that there is always going to be someone better than you. Hence, there is no point in wasting your precious life by being jealous. Understand and accept that everyone gets success according to their hard work.
4. Learn to Compete with yourself
It is of utmost importance to understand that comparing yourself to others is wrong because everyone is different and has different journeys. As it is commonly said, “Apples can’t be compared to oranges”
Embrace your uniqueness, accept yourself the way you are and. Know that every single sunrise is a new opportunity to transform your life. So, grab it when you get it and make a goal to become a better version of yourself.
5. Mudhitha in Buddhism
Embrace and learn how different religions and cultures have taught us not to be jealous. In Buddhism, there is a principle called ‘Mudhitha’ which means finding joy in other people’s happiness.
Practicing muditha helps you get rid of jealousy in relationships. This is something I practiced when I came to know about this concept. It helped me change my thought process and this journey of practicing ‘Mudhitha’ wasn’t a bed of roses. I had to struggle to imbibe this concept and infuse it into my personality.
6. Build Trust
Jealousy in relationships creeps in when you feel threatened by losing someone. This feeling often comes from a place of lack of trust.
So, engaging in trust-building activities like sharing and keeping each other’s secrets, being vulnerable with each other, and respecting your personal moments.
7. Honest Communication and Positive Affirmations
It is very crucial to be vocal and honest about your feelings in any relationship. Make your partner aware of your feelings of jealousy. Communicate how you feel. Let them know what you’re going through so that both of you can work together to solve this issue.
Write positive affirmations like:
- I am happy if my partner is happy.
- I will give him/her space.
- I love finding happiness in others success
You can add affirmations as per your level and type of jealousy.
8. Journaling and Mindfulness
Journal all your negative and jealous emotions and monitor them from time to time. I will share a personal experience here.
I was very jealous of someone but when I started writing everything from the root cause to the feelings and times when I felt jealous I saw a pattern that I only get jealous of other girls and the reason was low self-esteem.
My journaling clarified my thoughts and I could identify the reasons for my feelings, the severity of the problem, and the patterns related to it. It helped me immensely in monitoring my emotions from time to time.
9. Restrict Your Social Media
While social media has many benefits and can be a boon if used correctly, it can also be a bane if not used correctly. I used to get very jealous seeing others’ life highlights of getting promoted, traveling, marrying, etc.
Then, I decided to unfollow and mute some accounts for a while. I started following only people who create content that would make me rise in my career. This social media detox had a major role to play in managing my jealousy.
10. The 3 C’s to deal with jealousy in a relationship: Congratulate, Compliment, and Collaborate
When your friend is failing you feel bad, but when they succeed more than you, you probably feel worse. It is completely okay to feel that but it is not okay to let this emotion dominate you.
In such a situation take a deep breath and do reverse counting from 10 to 1. Then take a moment and congratulate them genuinely. Compliment them for their hard work or any other quality that you think contributed to their success.
This will make you feel better and a part of their success. You will feel how your jealousy converts into inspiration, and if needed collaborate with them if you have similar goals.
11. Seek Professional Help
If jealousy in a relationship persists even after trying out everything, then seek counseling or other professional help.
Never be stigmatized or ashamed of asking for professional help. In today’s stressful pace of life, it is normal to seek help when needed.
Signs of Unhealthy Jealousy in Relationships
More often than not you are not able to exactly recognize the signs of jealousy in yourself or others. To do so, you must be a little alert and check upon yourself or your close ones if they are feeling the same.
- Stalking the social media of the person you are jealous of.
- Using abusive or bad language for that person.
- A feeling of harming yourself or others.
- Excessive Possessiveness is where you want to control your partner and dictate terms.
- Checking your partner’s phone without their permission frequently.
- Emotional Outburst.
- Constant Suspicion.
- Low self-worth.
Jealousy in a relationship is not always a negative thing. It begins with recognizing that jealousy can be normal sometimes. However, you must also be alert that it doesn’t become toxic by crossing limits.
Some ways that I have suggested above have come from my personal experiences. If it has worked for me, it doesn’t mean it will work for everyone else. But there is no harm in trying and experimenting with different ways till you succeed in removing jealousy in your relationships.
It is important to understand that it is not an overnight process and it takes time to come out of such feelings especially if it is intrinsic.
The fact that you have read till here is a hope that you want to become better and are finding ways to remove your negative traits for self-improvement.
Finally, I’d like to conclude it with these two lines:
“In the realm where love is in open hearts,
Jealousy will never be able to tear love apart.”
I hope you spread love and have an open heart.