Making adult friendships and keeping them may not seem as easy and smooth as it was when you were a kid. But the truth is, having that one great adult friendship might be the best thing to happen to you. In this blog, I’m sharing some great tips to lead you to the meaningful adult friendships you’re craving in your life.
If there’s one thing the pandemic and the lockdowns made the world realize, it’s the importance of friendship. You were able to go through a health scarcity, a mental health breakdown, and the loss of a loved one, because of that one friend who cared enough to spend hours on a phone call.
Those difficult years really laid the foundation of strong friendships for many people. It also gave many people the chance to revive their old friendships and turn them into real, meaningful adult bonds.
Thus, in this blog, I am sharing everything you must know about making adult friendships and allowing them to flourish and nourish with time.
10 Important Ways to Start Making Adult Friendships and Keeping Them
The way you view and need friendships as an adult may not be the same way you did in your teen or early adulthood years. Beyond brunches, coffees, and matches, you probably crave a set of people who know and support you at your most vulnerable times. That’s where making deep, meaningful adult friendships comes in.
Before we get to how to make and keep adult friendships, let’s talk about all the things that might be holding you back.
Why is it So Difficult For You to Make Friends?
Adults are constantly overburdened. The pressures of work, child care, and maintaining a home are enough to get you exhausted at the end of the day. Making adult friendships and keeping them can be the last thing on your mind.
As a child, you were free, cried easily, and spoke to anyone you wanted to, without thinking twice. As an adult, you’re probably obsessed with being the adult i.e. Having it all together and perfect all the time. Instagram has convinced you that you only need to show off the shiny spots in your life. Being vulnerable and emotional with a new person is now scary.
In an interview with the American Psychological Association, Marisa G. Franco, a professor at the University of Maryland shares two key insights.
- Organic friendships are only possible with continuous unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability. As adults, you have fewer opportunities to engage with these two factors.
- You’re scared to trust. You’ve run into toxic, troubled friendships in your teen years and the thought of experiencing that again can be downright intimidating. The lack of trust, time, and the fear of judgment can be the biggest hindrances to making a lasting adult friendship.
Why Should You Be Making Adult Friendships?
Because, no matter how much you surround yourself with work, family life, and social media, you can still be lonely.
Earlier this year U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an advisory addressing the loneliness epidemic that is plaguing Americans.
According to a study, a third of Americans say that they feel lonelier than before, with 41% of people saying a lack of friends or community drives their loneliness.
Besides combating loneliness and social isolation, friendships can give you a sense of purpose. Having friends who understand you and your struggles, can be a great support system during rough times.
Even your physical health can benefit from true friendships. According to an article by the Mayo Clinic, adults with strong social connections are at a reduced risk for depression, high blood pressure, and an imbalanced body mass index (BMI). Meaningful friendships have even been linked to a longer life span. Having meaningful adult friendships can improve your life in more ways than one.
How do You Build Adult Friendships? 10 Ways to do it
If you already don’t have one, your ultimate adult friendship circle is out there, you just need to believe and keep looking. To help you get started on that journey, I’ve put together some tried and tested ways to find beautiful adult friendships and keep them for life.
1. Review your existing circle
Remember those initial years after college when you tried your best to stay in touch with every single person and couldn’t? That’s perfectly natural!
As you grow older, you change. Your interests widen, your responsibilities grow and your time for social interaction may gradually decline. Trying to hold on to a large group of friends is not going to do you or them any favors.
A study by evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar in the 1990s found that humans are capable of managing relationships with close to 150 people, including family and friends. However, each relationship was at a different level. Of this large number, people were found to have only five meaningful friendships.
Instead of trying to keep every friendship alive, review each person in your friend circles to understand who you really want to grow with, people with similar interests, values, and goals whom you can identify with. Once you have a more focused list, you’ll be far better at investing your time and energy into friendships that will blossom.
2. Hold on to your long-distance buddies
Yes, life can get in the way of some of the most beautiful relationships in your life. But just because your friend is in another city or continent, that doesn’t mean your friendship will necessarily wane.
All you have to do is figure out a different way to commit it.
- Discuss a mutually convenient time and date with your long-distance bestie and make sure you always keep it free.
- Keep sharing life updates and photos over text. It doesn’t matter if they don’t see it at the same time. When they do, it’ll definitely bring a smile to their face.
- Locate a small dessert shop in the area so you can send them treats on a rough day.
A friendship is possible from anywhere, as long as you keep showing up (even if it’s virtually!). In the end, it’s all about effort.
3. Be the event, don’t wait for one!
Raise your hand if you always wait for someone else to make the weekend plan! It’s high time that changes.
Instead of always waiting by your phone for an invite, it’s time for you to start making plans.
- Choose an upcoming public holiday and make a list of things you could do – hiking, camping, picnics. Text your close friends to check if they’re interested.
- Host a party! You don’t have a reason to catch up with your friends. Host a ‘It’s been a while’ party and invite your friends you haven’t been in touch with for a while. You could even invite new neighbors or ones you haven’t interacted with yet.
- Be spontaneous. It doesn’t always have to be a formal plan. Invite your friend for a walk and some ice cream at the end of a work day. Reach out to your neighbor for a quick game of tennis on the weekend.
Remember, everyone’s waiting for someone to start. So why don’t you take the initiative for it?
3. Reconnect with your old friends
Some of your strongest connections can go back to the playground.
Instead of just reminiscing, look up your childhood besties on social media and invite them out for a coffee. Chances are they’d love to catch up and get to know you again.
Even your old workplaces can be a great source of new friendships. Look up old work colleagues and spend some time reconnecting over what you’ve been up to.
4. Connect with your neighbors
Remember the time growing up when your mom would just pop over to the neighbors for coffee and a chat? Some of your parents’ closest friends were probably the people they lived next to.
If you haven’t spent time with your neighbors yet, here’s your chance. Invite your neighbors to brunch or go over with some food. If you both have kids, organize playdates and sleepovers for your kids to get a chance to know each other. Instead of taking two cars, invite your neighbor to go on a grocery run with you.
The opportunities are endless. You don’t have to look too far and wide for friends, sometimes they can be right next door to you.
5. Find a community
Meeting people who have the same interests as you can be one of the best ways of making adult friendships.
Look up book clubs, dance classes, or yoga sessions in your neighborhood. Find a charitable organization that takes volunteers. Join a running group or parent’s support group, if you have kids.
Engaging with such communities can lead you to new people who you already know like the same things you do.
6. Commit to your adult friendships
You’re probably thinking this is obvious. Surprisingly, however, you may tend to prioritize other relationships over your friendships, expecting them to stay vibrant with little effort.
Keep aside one hour a week to catch up with your friends over the phone. Even better, mark a couple of days in your monthly calendar strictly for catch-ups.
Remember, it doesn’t also have to be about fun and games. Your friend could be going through something you have no idea about, so keeping aside time for real, deep conversations could be the best way to show your friend you’re committed to supporting them.
Your friendship is just like any other relationship – it needs time, effort, and attention.
7. Say yes to new situations
As you start adulting, you can get pretty stuck in your ways, without even realizing it. Staying within your comfort zone, however, is not going to help you make new friendships.
The best way to find new adult friends is to keep your eyes and ears open, and your heart willing.
Look up listings in your area for any concerts or events that might be happening near you. Don’t say no to a party just because you don’t know everyone there. Participate in that marathon for charity.
The more you expand your experiences, the more likely you are to meet new people.
8. Treat each friendship uniquely
Yes, hanging out with a group of pals is fun but nothing beats some one-on-one time with your bestie.
Each of your friends is unique, they have individual needs and their own unique love languages. Spend some time figuring out what each friend requires to feel loved and supported.
For some, it could be a daily text. For another, a long coffee and conversation. This personalized commitment could be exactly what you’re looking for in a friend too.
9. Be honest and open
Remember, you’re not a teenager anymore. You don’t have to do everything just because you don’t want to disappoint your friends or want to be part of a cool group.
All adults have responsibilities and struggles they’re dealing with every day. If it’s been a long day at work and you just don’t have the energy to go out dancing, that’s perfectly okay.
Being honest with your friends about that will show them you trust them with your feelings. Perhaps, they may even respect you more for it. When the time comes, they’ll know they can lean on you for compassion too.
Similarly, if you need a friend during a rough experience, just pick up the phone. Adults don’t have the luxury of meeting each other every day. So instead of waiting for days to ask your friend for advice and support, a simple text saying “Hi, are you free? I could use a talk right now” is more than enough.
Even if they’re too busy, a good friend will confirm an alternate time to connect. That’s what friends are for, aren’t they?
Conclusion
American cartoonist Bill Watterson once said, “Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.”
Whether you’re going through the best phase of your life or your worst, you’ll always need someone to share it with. Having a firm circle of adult friendships can hold you through any twist and turn life takes and bring a barrel of laughs with it.
So, if you’ve put that catch-up with your friend on the back burner, it’s time you pick up the phone and start chatting.
With that I hope you had a fun time here, future besties, you’re all welcome!
